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About Literature / Student Nicholas20/Male/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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Feel free to peruse my gallery... some old gems but mostly there's a general trend of improvement as time goes on, I feel. Mostly just poetry but there's some prose thrown in here and there. Hope you enjoy.

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I don't favourite things often. If I've favourited something you've written, painted, drawn, photographed, etc., it means I like it a great deal.

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Semester's done. Hopefully that will mean some more time dedicated to my writing. Been having a lot of ideas floating around lately, so some poems and/or prose may materialize over the coming few weeks. No promises, though (I'm not very good at those).
  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: Draconian, Epica, classical stuff
  • Reading: A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
  • Watching: Marvel's Jessica Jones, Doctor Who
  • Playing: Tetris
  • Eating: Sushi, frequently.
  • Drinking: Water.

Journal History

deviantID

A-Wandering-Man's Profile Picture
A-Wandering-Man
Nicholas
Artist | Student | Literature
Canada
I'm a writer, not an artist! And a pretty damn good one! At least, I'd like to think so.

I think too much, feel too much, and eat too much, and I don't think any of those things will ever change.

I love living, but it terrifies me. Odd, that. Suppose that's how it's supposed to be.

My best friend in the world is MissSoarrow, so be nice to her!

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“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
― Voltaire

"Come, come, whoever you are; wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving; Ours is no caravan of despair; come, yet again, come"
― Rumi, Sufi poet
Interests

Activity


Semester's done. Hopefully that will mean some more time dedicated to my writing. Been having a lot of ideas floating around lately, so some poems and/or prose may materialize over the coming few weeks. No promises, though (I'm not very good at those).
  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: Draconian, Epica, classical stuff
  • Reading: A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
  • Watching: Marvel's Jessica Jones, Doctor Who
  • Playing: Tetris
  • Eating: Sushi, frequently.
  • Drinking: Water.
"Hold me..."
For I am shattered.
Reqiuem for a Broken Mind
I feel like I am very tenuously holding myself together sometimes. At those times, I feel as if I am braced solely by the love and kindness of those dear to me.
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With each grain of sand
Falling through the hourglass,
And with each tick of the clock
A moment . . . passes . . . by . . .

A heartbeat begins
And ends
There is a time
In between

A sliver of eternity.
Infinitesimally thin.
Water, slipping through our fingers.
But can never quite hold on.

A memory flickers
A dream, perhaps,
Stretching time
Out to the horizon

It envelops the world without
In ephemeral, silken darkness
Silences it...slows it down.
Until it stops.

A heartbeat begins —

     there is a time...

...in between


— A body collapses
And so, ends.
An Eternity of Lost Moments
Inspired by a list I saw with some of the words from the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows (which, if you haven't heard of it, is something you should check out immediately). Just got me thinking about things.

This poem is about time and death and mindfulness. It decries the loss of any moment to the forgotten realms of routine and tedium.
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That I can write pretty prolifically when I'm actually supposed to be doing other things. Fucking procrastination for the win I guess? But I really should get this stuff done.
  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Draconian, Epica, classical stuff
  • Reading: A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson
  • Watching: House, MD and some anime
  • Playing: Final Fantasy Tactics (...again)
  • Eating: Less than I'd like.
  • Drinking: Water.

I wish I could still cry. I think the last time I cried - really cried, not just had my eyes water - was several years ago; and it was out of anger and frustration, which is not the best type of crying, as I am sure we all know.

I would love to be able to cry out of sadness, or grief, or, best of all, happiness. To just turn on the waterworks; that industrious catharsis machine; and just let myself be immersed in emotion for a moment. But I haven't been able to do that for many years.

There's been a couple near misses; times where I could feel the emotion slip through my contrived defenses and touch an inexplicably and unexpectedly still-raw nerve. I've even had the tears begin to form, ever so tenuously, in the corners of my eyes. But then I blink, and they are gone, and they won't peek out again for months, and that's if I'm lucky.

If you can believe it, I've had fantasies about the tears filling my eyes to the brim, then spilling dramatically out of my eyelids and cascading down my face. That's how bad this has gotten. It's absurd. But the worst part is that it has nothing to do with any sort of physiological problem, as far as I can tell. It's all psychological, a complex that has been built over the years.

I'd like to blame it all on the toxic assumptions our societies often hold surrounding masculinity, and that is certainly a factor, but I know that most of the reason is my own internal psychological defense mechanisms. Somewhere along the line my brain began sequestering as much emotional strain as possible - because burying these things always helps, right? - and as a result of about 5 or 6 years of this, I am left almost completely unable to allow my emotions to really take root and pass over me.

It should be water off a duck's back, as it were. In contact, but fleeting and harmless, for the most part. But it's more like a magma chamber, ever so slowly filling up, the pressure rising, until something causes an eruption. Oh, they're usually just minor out-gassings, sure. But that magma has to go somewhere. It's ultimately a matter of time. And I desperately need a way to let it out without blowing up my entire life.

The worst thing is, I have shoulders to cry on. I have people in my life that care about me, and to whom I can talk to about pretty much anything. The problem is not a lack of a sympathetic subject for me to unburden myself on; the problem is that I can't fucking do it. My defense mechanisms are eating me from the inside, and there's not a whole lot that can be done.

My face is locked in a near-perpetual half-smile, half-grimace. I don't even notice it anymore. It's gotten to the point where I'm not sure if I recognize "myself" in the mirror, or whether I'm just recognizing the mask that I can't seem to take off. I just wish I had the tears to wash it away.
Tears Never Shed
These thoughts have been stewing around in my head for a long time now, and I figured this was as good a time as any to express them. Perhaps not the best time, but the words came to me.
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:iconsophiradragonchan:
SophiraDragonChan Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2015
Happy birthday! :)
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:icona-wandering-man:
A-Wandering-Man Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2015  Student Writer
Haha, thanks! :D (Big Grin) 
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:iconsophiradragonchan:
SophiraDragonChan Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2015
You're welcome! Cx
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:iconjackofalltrades0097:
jackofalltrades0097 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:hugs: Thank you for joining the Authors-Club! We are so glad to have you join our group and adding our work to our collection! 

On behalf of the Authors-Club, here's just a little bit of information as to what we're about! :

-- Please familiarize yourself with our Submission Rules before you begin to submit your works of literature into the group gallery.

-- We currently have a contest going on, with a cash prize, points, and feature opportunities!

-- Did you know that we've opened up a chatroom?  Check out our main page for that and other goodies!

Again, thank you so much for joining our club! If you need anything at all, do not be afraid to ask! Wither it be about our club, or even about the going on's in Deviant Art!  

I hope that you enjoy this group and if at any time you have questions, concerns, or ideas please contact me jackofalltrades0097 , or any of the other admin of our group!
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014   Writer
Hi there,
You have been featured on My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink's front page as the featured deviant of the week. :la:
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