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Literature Text
Days go by unnoticed...
Beyond perception,
There is existence;
Without any life.
Attempt to wake yourself from this dread sleep,
You'll find it harder than you might imagine.
Deny the routine to find yourself ostracized,
In a world filled with the self-denying selfish.
While away your time
It's easier that way
Just toe the line;
Don't think you have a say.
Break the ranks to see yourself besieged,
With the ignorance of the televised delusions.
Fight for your principles to find your words
Muddled, twisted, and mired in semantic confusions.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Sap the life away
Of those who dare to
Defy the Repetition.
Drag them down with you.
Assault the status quo to leave yourself
At the mercy of the unenlightened masses.
Revolt against unconsciousness to learn
No order can hold against a questioning mind.
Sell your identity
To find acceptance;
Forget your humanity,
And you'll fit right in.
Reveal your inner self and you're vulnerable
To the vicious whims of public criticism.
Free yourself from the prison of expectation,
And you'll find yourself alone in the dark.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Deny responsibility
Everyone else does.
Surely there's justification
(But none is to be found)
Insinuate the desire to think on your own;
And be pummeled into the hard, cold earth.
Uncomfortable feelings of "morality"
Are no longer welcome (were they ever?)
Trudge along, now;
Like so many ants.
Follow the leader;
And never look back.
Reject the assumed societal postulates, and be
Betrayed by those you thought to call friends.
Rebel against authority to feel your life reduced
To that of a slave abused by his captors.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Beyond perception,
There is existence;
Without any life.
Attempt to wake yourself from this dread sleep,
You'll find it harder than you might imagine.
Deny the routine to find yourself ostracized,
In a world filled with the self-denying selfish.
While away your time
It's easier that way
Just toe the line;
Don't think you have a say.
Break the ranks to see yourself besieged,
With the ignorance of the televised delusions.
Fight for your principles to find your words
Muddled, twisted, and mired in semantic confusions.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Sap the life away
Of those who dare to
Defy the Repetition.
Drag them down with you.
Assault the status quo to leave yourself
At the mercy of the unenlightened masses.
Revolt against unconsciousness to learn
No order can hold against a questioning mind.
Sell your identity
To find acceptance;
Forget your humanity,
And you'll fit right in.
Reveal your inner self and you're vulnerable
To the vicious whims of public criticism.
Free yourself from the prison of expectation,
And you'll find yourself alone in the dark.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Deny responsibility
Everyone else does.
Surely there's justification
(But none is to be found)
Insinuate the desire to think on your own;
And be pummeled into the hard, cold earth.
Uncomfortable feelings of "morality"
Are no longer welcome (were they ever?)
Trudge along, now;
Like so many ants.
Follow the leader;
And never look back.
Reject the assumed societal postulates, and be
Betrayed by those you thought to call friends.
Rebel against authority to feel your life reduced
To that of a slave abused by his captors.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Literature
For --
Bloom, bloom, bloom,
by the window, by the sun,
by the cooling shade of soft green cedar,
bloom, bloom, bloom.
When the chrysanthemums baldly raises
its heavy head to the dim-lit skies,
or cicadas shrill in train-speed rhythm
buzz and rest their wings on your shivering thighs
do not fear the world, the strangeness of Nature,
do not flip your pale small eyelids and waver.
Whenever burly oaks grow, wild-strong branches wide,
and benign barley bend and bow in a smile;
No - this too high; No - this too low,
Bloom, bloom, bloom.
Literature
Wind Chimes
I am reminded
that even solid metal
breathes
Literature
Anthophilous (An Anthology)
i. Roses
She breathes through
tattered lungs &
with every inhale
that pierces through her
she coughs up thorns,
telling herself that
she's used to the
taste of her own blood
but her teeth are starting to ache
as pain wraps itself around her tongue
& you could hand her the shears
but she refuses to take them,
too scared of
how much it would hurt
to heal
ii. Clematis
I trace the v(ei/i)n(e)s
curling up her willowy wrists,
my whispers dropping into her lap like stones
(and she wraps her fingers around them,
studies them with amethyst eyes)
words flower from her lips.
Faerie girl,
I bloom into her embrace
and thread my confessions
in
Suggested Collections
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Poem I wrote up just now, thinking about conformity and listening to some socially-conscious music. A bit negative, perhaps, but indignant.
© 2013 - 2024 A-Wandering-Man
Comments10
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First of all, I want to let you know that I enjoy your poetry. It is insightful and it honestly reminds me of the things I wrote about years ago. However, I think there are things in this piece that need to be tweaked before I can place it in the featured folder. That being said, I will add it to the critique folder in DA-Poetics so other members can look at it and suggest changes you may or may not decide to make (since that is a million percent up to you.) I will break this down stanza by stanza. I will do this as well as add questions about the stanzas that are for thought. You are under no obligation to answer them for me. I just wanted to provide them because I believe they will assist you in adding a lot of clarity to this piece.
Stanza one: The first line isn’t exactly an attention grabber and I’m not quite sure why you decided to make the lines to crisp here considering the format isn’t fluid through the piece. I’d consider making this a two line stanza first of all. Second, I’m not sure what “Days go by unnoticed beyond perception” means. The second two lines are much clearer, though I will admit they remind me of the last poem of yours I read a lot.
Stanza two:The second line hits a sour note with me. Although I may be guilty of telling like this, I’m not a fan of it. Many readers, including myself, do not enjoy reading a poem where they are told how difficult or hard something will be. An emotion, sure. But some may find waking from this “dread sleep” easy and you’ve just alienated those people. You also filled this stanza with more telling. A few types of questions? What kind of selfishness, what routine, what is the effect or consequences of being ostracized?
Stanza three: I would consider removing the second lines. The second line is too telling by the speaker.
Stanza four: A few questions: What delusions? What principles should I fight for? Why are my words so twisted, muddled, etc.? If you’re going to use second person you need to be VERY clear on issues of what the reader will go through. I will probably NEVER use second person but it can be done well with immense levels of clarity.
Stanza five: Love the one line stanza.
Stanza six: A few questions: who is sapping the life away? What happens afterword? What kind of repetition is happening? Why am I suddenly being dragged down and why should I take them with me?
Stanza seven: No complaints here.
Stanza eight: A few questions: Why isolate myself when I am dragging people down or fighting the status quo? Are you saying that I should be a lone wolf? Are you saying that enlightening others isn’t a good idea after all? Also, you’ve returned to describing the society in a really abstract way. What kind of humanity DO these people have? This would provide a clear picture of the difference between them and the speaker.
Stanza nine: Some questions: What makes me vulnerable after showing my true self, if my true self exists under the premise of revolting against this society? Why is criticism bad? Why will I find myself alone? I thought expectation made it easier to work with others…
Stanza ten: Great use of repetition!
Stanza eleven: Honestly, I’d omit this. It adds nothing to the piece.
Stanza twelve: Why just insinuate? If I’m going to revolt, shouldn’t I be outspoken? This isolated hero thing has now lasted long enough to confuse me. The final two lines are AWESOME.
Stanza thirteen: Have I been taken down for my revolting now? The story is a bit murky. Perhaps you should take a look at the placement of your stanzas and change some around. However, I’d omit this as well. The “follow the leader” type wording is cliché in political/social pieces in this type and I don’t want this piece to be burdened by that.
Stanza fourteen: I’m back to rejecting after I’m following the leader. Yup, I’m entirely lost.
Stanza Fifteen: great use of repetition AGAIN
Stanza sixteen: I would end of the repetition. This would be like ending on the mantra and really add punch to the poem.
I think this poem does have potential, even if it does feel like I tore it to shreds. I think the problem with this piece is a lack of clarity and general statements that aren’t tangible. I want to be able to see this society, see this revolting (whether through imagery or metaphor). I think once that’s done you’ll have something solid!
My advice: Be Clear. Be less abstract/general. Fix the time/statement issues.
Stanza one: The first line isn’t exactly an attention grabber and I’m not quite sure why you decided to make the lines to crisp here considering the format isn’t fluid through the piece. I’d consider making this a two line stanza first of all. Second, I’m not sure what “Days go by unnoticed beyond perception” means. The second two lines are much clearer, though I will admit they remind me of the last poem of yours I read a lot.
Stanza two:The second line hits a sour note with me. Although I may be guilty of telling like this, I’m not a fan of it. Many readers, including myself, do not enjoy reading a poem where they are told how difficult or hard something will be. An emotion, sure. But some may find waking from this “dread sleep” easy and you’ve just alienated those people. You also filled this stanza with more telling. A few types of questions? What kind of selfishness, what routine, what is the effect or consequences of being ostracized?
Stanza three: I would consider removing the second lines. The second line is too telling by the speaker.
Stanza four: A few questions: What delusions? What principles should I fight for? Why are my words so twisted, muddled, etc.? If you’re going to use second person you need to be VERY clear on issues of what the reader will go through. I will probably NEVER use second person but it can be done well with immense levels of clarity.
Stanza five: Love the one line stanza.
Stanza six: A few questions: who is sapping the life away? What happens afterword? What kind of repetition is happening? Why am I suddenly being dragged down and why should I take them with me?
Stanza seven: No complaints here.
Stanza eight: A few questions: Why isolate myself when I am dragging people down or fighting the status quo? Are you saying that I should be a lone wolf? Are you saying that enlightening others isn’t a good idea after all? Also, you’ve returned to describing the society in a really abstract way. What kind of humanity DO these people have? This would provide a clear picture of the difference between them and the speaker.
Stanza nine: Some questions: What makes me vulnerable after showing my true self, if my true self exists under the premise of revolting against this society? Why is criticism bad? Why will I find myself alone? I thought expectation made it easier to work with others…
Stanza ten: Great use of repetition!
Stanza eleven: Honestly, I’d omit this. It adds nothing to the piece.
Stanza twelve: Why just insinuate? If I’m going to revolt, shouldn’t I be outspoken? This isolated hero thing has now lasted long enough to confuse me. The final two lines are AWESOME.
Stanza thirteen: Have I been taken down for my revolting now? The story is a bit murky. Perhaps you should take a look at the placement of your stanzas and change some around. However, I’d omit this as well. The “follow the leader” type wording is cliché in political/social pieces in this type and I don’t want this piece to be burdened by that.
Stanza fourteen: I’m back to rejecting after I’m following the leader. Yup, I’m entirely lost.
Stanza Fifteen: great use of repetition AGAIN
Stanza sixteen: I would end of the repetition. This would be like ending on the mantra and really add punch to the poem.
I think this poem does have potential, even if it does feel like I tore it to shreds. I think the problem with this piece is a lack of clarity and general statements that aren’t tangible. I want to be able to see this society, see this revolting (whether through imagery or metaphor). I think once that’s done you’ll have something solid!
My advice: Be Clear. Be less abstract/general. Fix the time/statement issues.